14 August 2015
Wee Beasties In The Shower
Sometimes it's hard to believe I was born in Florida.
You can tell I was transplanted to Cleveland at an early age. I am so not a Floridian. If I was, I think I would be able to cope so much better with all the wee beasties crawling all over the place and, worse yet, crawling all over me. Like the fire ants that glare at you with sheer malevolence in their beady eyes, bite your feet with their fangs and leave you with burning blisters for days as a little reminder to keep out of their territory. The only problem is that they think all of Florida is their territory. Now I know why so many people live in Cleveland - no fire ants. Just happy, go-lucky fireflies and a lot of pierogies.
Taking showers in Florida can be dangerous.
The other morning, I was shampooing my hair and humming a little tune (probably a toe tapping little number from Evita) when I felt something on my foot. I looked down and what did I see but a giant cockroach sitting on my foot staring up at me. Seriously, he was gigantic. Almost as big as my foot.
I screamed. Loudly. I shook my foot furiously until Mr Cockroach decided to remove himself. He didn't go far, just sat in the corner of the shower glaring at me and shaking his head as though I was the one who dared to interrupt his shower.
As if a cockroach wasn't enough.
I had to get the rest of the shampoo out of my hair, so I continued my shower, all the while keeping an eye on Mr Cockroach. Then I felt something on my arm. It was some sort of weird looking bug with wings. He was gigantic too. I screamed. Loudly. I shook my arm and it flew away. Probably off to tell the fire ants to march over and wait for me outside the shower block.
By this time, Mr Cockroach had scurried off to places unknown. You might think this is a good thing - the cockroach is gone. No, now I was worried about where it was and when it would strike again. That was the secret to all of those Hitchock movies, you were always on the edge of the seat not knowing when or what was going to get you. The creepy music probably ratcheted up the fear levels too.
Wee beasties should never get in your way of moisturizing.
I have an incredibly limited beauty routine, but moisturizing is one thing I always do. After having a look around to make sure there weren't any other bugs out to get me, I reached into my shower bag for my moisturizer. Guess what I found - a gecko looking at me with big eyes. No doubt he had crawled into my bag to hide out from the cockroaches, weird flying bugs and fire ants.
Fortunately, geckos don't bother me so there wasn't any screaming. They eat bugs, have cute eyes and do fun things with their tails. This my kind of wee beastie. I did encourage him to get out of my bag though. The last thing I need back on the boat is a gecko taking up residence, making himself at home and demanding snacks at all hours.
Who needs coffee in the morning to wake up?
Has your doctor told you that you need to give up coffee? Easy solution - move to Florida and take showers. All the wee beasties will get your heart pumping and you won't need one single drop of caffeine to wake up in the morning.
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