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23 September 2015

Chaos, Stinky Stuff & Mysterious Objects

Everyone who owns a boat has a long list of Very Important, But Boring Things To Do. If a boat owner tells they don't have a list, then they're either lying to you or to they're lying to themselves. Everybody has a list. Mine is so long that the last item on the list is to buy a new notebook so that I have space to write down more things on the list. 

Despite having a long list of Very Important, But Boring Things To Do, I'm also highly skilled in the art of procrastination. I'm extremely good at putting off the important stuff and ticking things off of my list of Very Unimportant, But Interesting Things to Do. If you had a choice between watching old X-Files episodes or cleaning out the bilges, which would you do? Okay, don't answer that. I'm sure all of you boat owners out there are highly responsible folk who regularly clean out your bilges. And the non-boat owners out there who don't know what a bilge is are busy cleaning out their gutters or waxing their RV. 

But you'll be glad to know (and Scott is super glad to know), I've gotten my act together and have been working on inventorying everything the previous owner left behind on our new-to-us boat. This of course involves taking everything out of the various hidey-holes, cubbys, hanging lockers, cupboards and other ridiculously hard to access spots.  

I used to call our v-berth the Room of Chaos. I'd cram things in there and quickly close the door before it all came tumbling out. Finally, I've managed to tidy things up and it is now the Room of Order and Tranquility

Doesn't it look pretty?

  
Only one teeny tiny problem. All the stuff that used to be in the v-berth is now in the saloon. I used to call the saloon the Room of Relaxation, but now it has transformed itself into the Room of Bruises & Stinky Stuff. There's so much crap in the saloon that I bang my legs on things trying to get through to the v-berth. Bruises, cuts and scrapes - badges of honor for boat owners. 

The saloon has gotten a little stinky now that I moved the v-berth cushions in there. Thanks to my stupid hatch, they got soaked during one of southern Florida's delightful downpours. Now they have that lovely musty odor to them. Super.


I used to be able to retreat to our aft cabin to escape the chaos and work on my inventory list. Not anymore. The chaos has followed me in there. The leftover green fleece from the slipcovers I made for our settees is threatening to takeover. When I wake up in the middle of the night and see all the green everywhere, I immediately assume it's the aliens coming to take me away. Perhaps I shouldn't watch so much X-Files?




They say that it's important to constantly learn new things. Keeps the mind sharp and all that. What I've learned is that I don't have a clue what half the stuff on our boat is. Like this gray, rubber handle. I spent a good chunk of the day yesterday staring at it and trying to imagine what possible use it might have. On a whim, I asked Google what it knew about "gray plastic handle boat". Google showed me a picture of a dinghy handle and smirked at my ignorance. Once I saw a picture of it on a dinghy, then it made perfect sense. I can't believe I didn't figure this out on my own. By the way Google, thanks for making me feel stupid.


This one totally stumped me. I thought it was a some sort of child's toy. I tried spinning it like a top for a while. Finally, I asked Matt from MJ Sailing what it was. He knew immediately - it's a fuel filter for an outboard engine. Matt is much nicer than Mr Google. He didn't make me feel stupid for not knowing what it was.


I've got a whole box of stuff that I'm clueless about. I call it the Box of Mysterious Objects. I figure it will be a nice "welcome back" present for when Scott gets back to the boat. I can't think of a better way for him to get over jet lag than to go through and identify all of the mysterious objects.

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12 comments:

  1. This blog post cracked me up! Thanx for helping me procrastinate my project of "sorting random sparkly bits and rusty items that accumulated during our summer of tall ship sailing."

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    1. I'm here to help my fellow procrastinators!

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  2. Bwahahahahahahahaha. I could have written this post and that's because we have a boat, and we do the same stuff and often I haven't a clue what something is. I've learned to not toss anything until I know what it is.

    Have a fabulous day and thanks for the laughs. ☺

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    1. I'm scared to throw anything away, no matter how rusty and useless it looks.

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  3. After 12 years of owning my boat, I still have a box of "Things I have no idea what they are but am too afraid to throw out" stuff.
    I think it comes with the territory!

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    1. So true. Knowing me, it will be that one item I throw away that is critical to making the engine run.

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  4. Some day I'm gonna have another boat, it will likely have a box of "things" because I especially love to collect things. If that boat doesn't have a name, or has the name of an ex-girlfriend, or something awful, I think I'll name that boat "such things".

    Then you'll be able to say that Mike on "such things" said X . . . God that guy is an idiot.

    But I'll be an idiot named Mike with a boat named "such things" and a box of such things to boot. And that might be more fun than having a house full of such things . . . and all the things which goes along with such.

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    1. I'll keep an eye out for S/V Such Things out on the water ;-)

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  5. Great post!!

    Why not just post some pics here, I'm sure someone will know what they are and surely wouldn't make you feel bad.

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    1. Good idea! I'll work my way through the mystery box and see what I can identify on my own first and then maybe I'll post some of the truly mysterious items here and on FB.

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  6. Funny as usual. Its not a problem, you just buy another boat to live on. Problem solved, and you can get way from the leak.

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    1. Perfect solution - except then I'd have to inventory another boat ;-)

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