Going For A Walk: Tamaki Drive In Auckland {Or There Is More To Auckland Than The Sky Tower}

Amid the pohutukawa trees, Tamaki Drive curves along the Waitemata Harbour.

If you want great views of the Waitemata Harbour in Auckland, take a stroll along Tamaki Drive. Starting in downtown Auckland at the ferry terminal at Queens Wharf, walk along Quay Street and watch the container ships being loaded and unloaded at the Port of Auckland. After you pass by the heliport in Mechanics Bay, Quay Street turns into Tamaki Drive which curves along the waterfront all the way to St. Heliers Bay. You can admire the very expensive homes along the way and enjoy the various beaches at Orakei, Mission Bay, Kohimarama and St. Heliers. 

For boaties, you can check out the Auckland Outboard Boating Club (OBC) and boat sheds in Hobson Bay, the Orakei Marina, the Royal Akarana Yacht Club and sailboats moored in Okahu Bay, and the Tamaki Yacht Club and Kohimarama Yacht Club further down the road. If you want to go for a swim, check out the largest salt water pool in New Zealand at the Parnell Baths. You can find public facilities, restaurants and cafes in Mission Bay, Kohimarama and St. Heliers. The walk is a little under 10 kms one way and if one way is enough for you, there are frequent buses along Tamaki Drive back into central Auckland. The best time of year to go is early summer when the pohutukawa trees are in bloom. They have red flowers and because they bloom in December they are known as the Kiwi Christmas tree. 

Check out Tamaki Drive - there really is more to Auckland than just the Sky Tower!

Port of Auckland - A small island nation, New Zealand is an export driven economy and its ports are vital to trade.

The old overpass from Tamaki Drive over the train tracks to the Parnell Baths. It has been replaced this year.

The Parnell Baths - it will cost you $6.30 to use the facilities for the day.

Tamaki Drive is a popular place to sit and enjoy the views of the Waitemata Harbour

The boatsheds in Hobson Bay.

Orakei Marina - there is a great walkway on the Nor-Eastern breakwaters

Boats moored in Okahu Bay. You can see Raingitoto Island behind them. It last erupted about 550 years ago.

Getting ready to race. They start them sailing young in New Zealand on Optimist boats.  

There are all types of boats to be found along Tamaki Drive.

How To Mutiny In 10 Easy Steps

Image Source - Graphics Fairy

Scott is the skipper of our little boat which makes me the crew. There are a lot of important tasks and duties that the crew needs to be able to carry out effectively and one of them is to mutiny. This is an extremely important skill that every sailor needs to know how to do. We’ve all been in those situations where the skipper of your boat is being really annoying and getting on everyone’s nerves.

Those days when the skipper seems way too concerned with your inability to tie “bunny knots” and tries to keep telling you they are called "bowline knots" and not “bunny knots” and then he gets really cranky when he can’t untie your “Ellen Special” knots which you use instead of the “bunny knots” because they're much easier to tie but not so easy to untie. I mean really, knots are supposed to stay tied. But for some reason this makes the skipper a bit testy. I blame the fact that he drinks too much coffee.

Or those days when the skipper gets all irritated because you forget (again as he likes to point out) to untie the fenders from the boat while you're motoring out into the harbor and they fall into the water. And it is really his fault because he complained that your "Ellen Special" knots couldn’t be untied so you tied the fenders on with knots that come untied easily. Like when you’re motoring out and they untie themselves. On their own. 

Or those days when he asks you to bring him some coffee but the boat is all tippy so you bang your legs against everything and you get some really giant and very unattractive bruises everywhere. Really, your skipper drinks way too much coffee already. Does he really need more when you’re out on the water?

Those are the days when being able to effectively mutiny really comes in handy. Up until now, I’ve held off with the whole mutiny thing because:

• I didn’t learn it in my sailing course. It seems like a really important skill. The instructor must have run out of time otherwise I’m sure it would have been covered.
• I don’t know how to sail or operate the VHF radio. Skipper Scott has been really lucky so far. The only reason he hasn’t “accidentally” fallen overboard is because I don’t know how to sail or operate the radio.

But this is all going to change. It is important to keep learning new things when it comes to sailing, so I’ve been studying up on the whole mutiny thing. And here is what I’ve learned which I want to share with you because I imagine your skipper really gets on your nerves sometimes too.

How to Mutiny in Ten Easy Steps

1 - Make sure you know what the correct definition of "mutiny" is. Some people mistakenly think it is a "conspiracy" or "rebellion" against a superior officer to overthrow them. It isn't. It is a way to teach your skipper a lesson not to be mean to the crew. Besides your skipper isn't really superior. A smart crew just lets him think he is so that he feels important and does all the hard jobs like hoist the anchor.

2 - Understand all of the different ways to mutiny. Here are some examples:
     

You can go with the tried and true method of pushing your skipper overboard and then motoring away as fast as you can. Make sure your skipper can swim first. Otherwise, it is just plain mean.

Or one day when you're out hiking on a pretty island, you could say "Hey, look over there! Is that the Loch Ness monster?" And then quickly run back to the dinghy, row back to the boat and get out of the anchorage. This is what we call "marooning" your skipper. Don't feel too bad about this one because Nessie can keep him company.

Or you could lock the skipper in one of the cabins. This won't work for us because we don't have any cabins or locks, but for those of you with bigger boats this may be the way to go.

Or when your skipper is in the dinghy and waiting for you to get in, you can just untie the tender (assuming it isn't tied on with an "Ellen Special" knot) and let him drift away. If your skipper can't swim, this might be just the ticket. It is all about being prepared so that you can use the right method depending upon the situation.

3 - Get some help. It is much easier to mutiny if you have some co-conspirators. I'm the only crew member on our boat and I think it would be much easier to mutiny if I had some help. One person to lure the skipper into a false sense of security and one person to helm the boat in order to make a speedy get away. If you want to help, just lurk around on X Pier at Westhaven Marina down towards the boat haul-out area. That's where we keep our dinghy. I'll distract Scott and you can hide out below when he isn't looking. Then we can "surprise" him. It will be fun.

4 - Make up a story to tell your skipper's friends and family when they call looking for him. It is important to be prepared with a convincing story otherwise they might become suspicious and call the police. I'm going to go with something along the lines of: "He is in the bathroom and says to take a message."

5 - Have an alibi ready. Eventually, the skipper's friends and family are going to catch on that no one can spend that much time in the bathroom and they'll call the police. Make sure you know what you're going to tell them. Maybe something like, "It couldn't have been me, I was in the bathroom."

6 - Take notes and photos during the mutiny. You do have a blog to update and it is important to document these things.

7 - Re-read steps 4 and 5. Do not take notes or photos and do not update your blog. Otherwise, they might use this as evidence to hold you without bail.

8 - Watch some inspirational movies about successful mutinies. "Mutiny on the Bounty" springs to mind. Make sure your skipper is in the bathroom when you watch them otherwise he might become suspicious.

9 - Get the appropriate clothes for a mutiny. Mutinies should be fun and they are a great opportunity to wear costumes. Maybe go with a pirate theme.

10 - Learn how to sail and use the VHF radio. Otherwise, your mutiny may be short-lived.


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I Stole This From My Sister

My sister works at the library and during her spare time at work she did a search on sailing novels and found some great options to add to my reading list. She emailed me through a summary of each book along with her own thoughts on why I should rush out and read them immediately. I have too much to do this week (like watch old movies in my DVD collection), so rather than put any of my own effort into writing my own post, I thought why not steal what my sister wrote. I feel no shame or guilt whatsoever about stealing from my sister. I blame my mother. She obviously didn't raise me right.

When I was little, I snuck into my sister's room and stole money from her piggy bank, snuck out of the house to the corner store, bought candy, snuck back into the house, hid in my room and ate all of the candy. Yum. My sister, the tattle tell, found her empty piggy bank and ran crying to my mother telling her that I stole her money. No one likes a tattle tale by the way. My mother came marching into my room and accused me of stealing from my sister. I, of course, denied it. That is the first rule of stealing. Deny everything. For some reason, she didn't believe me. It might have had something to do with all of the crumpled candy wrappers in a pile around me and the chocolate smeared on my face. She got mad. My sister gloated. I got grounded for the entire weekend and wasn't allowed to go see the 4th of July fireworks. Thanks tattle tell. But clearly, my mother is pretty bad at punishment, because I just read books all weekend in my room. It turns out it wasn't really a punishment. I was supposed to be learning a lesson. I learned that you can get free candy and be left alone so that you can catch up on your reading if you steal from your sister. So obviously it is my mother's fault that I don't feel guilty about stealing from my sister again. She obviously wasn't very good at the whole punishment and learning lessons thing.

So here is the sailing novel reading list I stole from my sister. It is full of variety. Some of them neither of us would read unless we were grounded in our rooms and had nothing else to do and they were the only books we had. By the way, Sis, go ahead and tattle to mom if you want. By the time she flies all the way to New Zealand to ground me, she'll have forgotten why she came and we'll just have a nice visit instead. And eat chocolate. Hah! Victory again!

My Sister's Sailing Reading List

Swept Up by the Sea

By Tracy & Laura Hickman
Determined to seek his fortune, Percival Taylor leaves behind his sleepy hometown and sets out to become a legendary pirate only no one at the roguish seaport of Blackshore will allow him anywhere near a ship Percival must find other means to win the heart of the beautiful Tuppence Magrathia-Paddock, who has mistaken him for a pirate rogue out of one of her romantic tales. She is entirely willing to swoon into his arms if he can prove his buccaneer soul and she is willing to arrange her own kidnapping to prove it. Percival eventually finds himself captain of a broken-down ship, complete with a crew of pirates.

(After reading this book description, my sister asked me, "Has Scott proven his buccaneer soul? Does it make you want to just swoon into his arms?")

Midshipwizard

By James M. Ward
Halcyon Blithe, being a young man of good breeding and lineage as well as endowed with those qualities and abilities of a sorcerous nature and wishing to fulfill his full potential, is ready to assume his proper place in the world. He aims to seek his fortune among those who tend and sail the awesome nautical juggernauts-the dragonships. With this is mind, Blithe gladly accepts his rank as Midshipwizard and becomes a member of the crew who man the dragonships-vessels which harness the bodies and strength of living dragons with seafaring technology. Combining elements of Hornblower with Harry Potter, and Robert Louis Stevenson with Robin Hobb, Midshipwizard Halcyon Blithe is a nautical tale rich in magic and intrigue. A tale set against a panorama of fantastic naval battle as we follow the career of a young midshipwizard as he moves up through the ranks of His Majesty's Navy. 

(Do you think Halcyon Blithe borrowed Harry Potter’s cloak of invisibility so that they could avoid the pirates and sail safely through the Gulf of Aden? Actually, maybe the answer to the pirate problem is dragons. Dragons would scare the crap out of the pirates.)

Sabbatical: A Romance

By John Barth
Subtitled "a romance," Sabbatical is the story of Susan Rachel Allan Seckler, a sharp young associate professor of early American literature - part Jewish, part Gypsy, and possibly descended from Edgar Allen Poe - and her husband Fenwick Scott Key Turner, a 50-year-old ex-CIA officer currently between careers, a direct descendant of the author of "The Star Spangled Banner" and himself the author of a troublemaking book about his former employer. Seven years into their marriage, they decide to take a sabbatical, a sailboat journey on which they sum up their years together and try to make important decisions about the years ahead. True to its subtitle, the novel combines the mysterious and marvelous (unexplained disappearances; a fabled sea monster in Chesapeake Bay) with romantic love and daring adventure.

(Sea monsters, romance and daring adventure – what more could you want. Sounds like the kind of promises Scott makes.)

The Toilers of the Sea
By Victor Hugo
This paperback original is a new translation of Hugo's great novel of the sea and includes comprehensive endnotes and Hugo's illustrations, which have never been reproduced in any edition of this monumental work.

(You’re not allowed to work in a library unless you’ve read at least one Victor Hugo novel. Or you can cheat and watch the film version of Les Miserables instead. Your boss will never know the difference. They probably did the same thing too.)

Sails and Sorcery: Tales of Nautical Fantasy
Ed. W.H. Horner
Mermaids. Pirates. Flying ships. Creatures from the deep. Magic beyond your wildest dreams. The sea is a dangerous and wonderful realm. It calls to many, promising riches, adventure, or freedom. But just as there are beautiful and remarkable treasures to be found upon and below the waves, do not underestimate the dangers hidden within its depths. So polish your cutlass and prepare your spells for what awaits. Embark upon a journey across leagues of unimaginable adventure. Ride the waves to mystery and magic. Featuring 28 stories and 42 illustrations, including tales by New York Times best-seller Elaine Cunningham, Paul S. Kemp, Patrick Thomas, and James M. Ward with an all-new story featuring Halcyon Blithe.

(Do not underestimate the sea! Respect her power! Or she will hurt you and leave big bruises on your legs.)

Ghosting

By David Poyer
Jack, a hotshot neurosurgeon, is at the peak of his career-- and his family's showing the strain. Jack's solution to all their problems is a family cruise to Bermuda aboard a luxurious new sailboat. He's never sailed on the open sea before-- and they begin to fear for their safety. How much would each one be willing to sacrifice in order to buy the others a chance to survive?

("He's never sailed on the open sea before..."  What could possibly go wrong?)

Sail Away: Stories of Escaping to Sea

Something happens when men and women put a plank between themselves and the water and set out on a voyage, whether for a day or a lifetime. Now Sail Away brings together the very finest writing about travel on water by a stellar crew of writers. Among those to be included are Joseph Conrad, Jacques Cousteau, Roald Dahl, Lawrence Durrell, F. Scott Fitzgerald, E.M. Forster, Ernest Hemingway, Thor Heyerdahl, Jonathan Raban, Paul Theroux, Mark Twain, Jules Verne, David Foster Wallace, and Evelyn Waugh. Packaged as the perfect companion to Beach, with atmospheric photos by Beach photographer Mittie Hellmich, Sail Away will be an important addition to the tradition of best-selling books about ships and the sea.

(This one is definitely on my sister's reading list. You'll have to wait your turn to check it out of the library.)

Black Swan

By Chris Knopf

A sudden storm drives Sam, Amanda, and their sailboat into harbor at Fishers Island. The owner of the Black Swan, a small hotel, reluctantly gives them lodging. When a fellow lodger dies in circumstances that suggest a killer in their midst, Sam must ferret out the corporate secrets behind the murder.

(Oooooh..."corporate secrets"!)

 

We, the Drowned

By Carsten Jensen

Follows a century in the port town of Marstal on an island off the coast of Denmark, whose citizens' lives are indelibly shaped by forces ranging from wars and shipwrecks to taboo survival practices and forbidden passions.

(Yeah, please don't drown.)

Sail

By James Patterson

The Dunnes have set off on a ten day boat trip, a trip that hopefully will bring them closer together, despite the fact that the father, Stuart is staying behind on land. But only an hour into the trip they're already falling apart. The teenage daughter plans to drown herself, and the teenage boy is high on drugs. Ten-year-old Ernie is near catatonic. But their mother Anne, with the help of her brother-in-law Jeff, is insistent on pulling everyone together, once and for all. Just when things start to take a turn for the better, disaster strikes. Stuart is left to pick up the pieces and find his family--but he is eager to start a brand new life. Maybe he's a little too eager.

(The description had me at, "But only an hour into their trip they're already falling apart. The teenage daughter plans to drown herself, and the teenage boy is high on drugs."  If this is what they devolve to on a sailing vacation, I can only imagine what Christmas at their house is like!)

Have you read any of these books? If so, what did you think? Any suggestions on other books I should add to my reading list very welcome.

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It's a Girl!

It's a girl! Or is it? Sometimes it is hard to tell. Image via the Graphics Fairy.

I am so sorry mom! I just realized that you might have read the title of the post and assumed we were surprising you with the news of a new grandchild. I'm really sorry to disappoint, but we haven't adopted a baby girl of either the human or feline variety. Fortunately, your other daughter has already given you beautiful grandchildren and will forever be on the top of the "Best Daughter" league tables for eternity because of that. But the good news is that we now know the sex of our boat and it's a girl!

You know how sometimes it is hard to sex certain animals like birds and snakes? Remember when we had that bird that was called Gertrude and then suddenly we had to change her his name to Sir Gertrude after a trip to the vet? It was all so confusing at the time. I remember that even the cats were confused and one of them tried to jump up at the cage just to double check whether he was a she or vice versa and broke his leg. I mean the cat broke his own leg. He didn't break the bird's leg. Although he probably wanted to. And eat him. He definitely wanted to eat him. Well I find boats to be a bit confusing too - is it a boy boat or a girl boat? The names don't always help either. And it doesn't seem like a good idea to turn your boat over so you can look underneath to see if it is a boy or a girl. You get water inside your boat and stuff falls all over the place. So in my confusion, I found that I kept using "it" every time I talked about our boat and other boats. Because I just didn't know. I was constantly worried about offending the other boat parents by telling them what a cute boy boat they have only to find out it is a girl. That is so embarrassing.

Well, it turns out I shouldn't have worried because all boats are girls! I'm not really sure how they make new boats if there are only girl boats but they're making incredible advances in science these days. The good news is that from now on I don't have to worry about whether to use "he" or "she", I can just use "she". But it is peculiar in the English language to use gender for an inanimate object such as a boat. Yes, I know some people think their boats are very animated and alive. However, I'm not one of them. So I did some research and here is what I found out.

English used to be a gendered language. There are lots of languages out there that are gendered. For example, in French a table is feminine (la table) and a hat is masculine (le chapeau). Might seem strange to think about girl tables and boy hats but it seems perfectly natural to the French, as does eating snails. And if you think about objects being boys or girls, that affects how you view them or so the theory goes. There was a new bridge built in the south of France in 2004. When the French newspapers described the bridge they talked about how it was "immense" and a "concrete giant". When the German newspapers described the bridge, they talked about how it had "breathtaking" beauty and "floated above the clouds" with "elegance and lightness". The French descriptions might be seen as more masculine, whereas the German descriptions might be seen as more feminine. And guess what - the word for bridge in German, "Brucke", is feminine and the word in French, "pont", is masculine. So perhaps when Germans look as bridges they perceive them differently than the French.

But why do English speakers think about boats as feminine objects? And do we think about them differently because they are girls? Today, we use neutral articles ("the" and "a"), but until the 1200s, English had masculine and feminine articles ("se" for boy objects and "seo" for girl objects). For example, the sun was considered to be feminine and was called "seo sunne" and talked about as "she". Somewhere back in the murkiness of history this all stopped. And it might have had something to do with the Vikings invading Britain. There was a lot of speaking of Old English and Old Norse going on at the same time and although both were gendered, the genders they assigned to different objects were sometimes contradictory. It may have been so confusing to all concerned and in order to make things simpler people just dropped gendered nouns over time.

But not completely, boats are still girls in English. Well for many people. The Chicago Manual of Style and the Associated Press and New Times style books now recommend using "it" to refer to boats. Even the Brits are on board as the London-based shipping newspaper, Lloyd's List, only refers to boats using "it". Language is nothing if not adaptable and changeable. So you can decide to have a girl boat. Or you can decide to neuter your boat and start talking about it as "it". You can even give your boat a sex change operation and starting calling it "him". Your choice. Don't you just love freedom of choice?

Want to know more?

If you want to learn more about language and gender, check out Lexicon Valley. They have some great podcasts on the subject including "When Nouns Grew Genitals", "How English Lost Its Genders" and "For He/She's A Jolly Bad Pronoun". The guys at Lexicon Valley also inspired this article on English and gender over at Hotword. And Grammarphobia has chimed into the conversation as well. Lera Boroditsky (a psych professor at Stanford) writes popular science articles on how language shapes the way we think (expanding on the original Sapir-Whorf hypothesis for all you nerds out there). You could check out her article in the Feb 2011 edition of Scientific America if you have a copy lying around your boat. Of course, if you're feeling geeky, she also writes scholarly articles but coverage of her in social media and popular science outlets will do for the rest of us. And then there is this slightly bizarre debate in Wikipedia Talk about boats and gender that you can check out. The discussion ranges from John McCain to Germany having a sex change operation.



Are they girl birds or boy birds? Hard to tell. Image via the Graphics Fairy

What A Bugger

Yesterday was absolutely heartbreaking for New Zealanders. To have come so close to winning the America's Cup only to have it snatched away by Oracle Team USA, in one of the most remarkable comebacks ever, was quite simply a bugger. New Zealand Prime Minister John Key even tweeted "bugger" after the race yesterday so its official.

Scott got some emails from his racing buddies in Scotland congratulating him on Oracle Team USA's win yesterday. They thought that because he is American he would be chuffed that a team with USA in its name won. They couldn't have been more wrong. We were rooting for Emirates Team New Zealand from the get go and when the New Zealand skipper, Dean Barker, got a little teary eyed yesterday, I did too. We've been permanent residents of New Zealand for five years now and have developed an affinity for all things Kiwi. (Well most things anyway. I still am on the fence about pineapple lumps, marmite and the need to put beetroot on anything that doesn't move.) But it isn't just the fact that we live in New Zealand that had us backing the Kiwis. What got me was the classic story of the humble underdog taking on the big arrogant beast bankrolled by billionaire Larry Ellison. And the fact that Oracle Team USA cheated was the icing on the cake. Plus there is only one American sailor on their crew so they don't even have a patriotism card to play.

The America's Cup is a truly bizarre sporting event. I'm not really into sport (well not at all), so I probably don't know what I'm talking about, but I'm not sure where the "sport" comes into it when a large factor in determining who wins is based upon who has the most money to spend on their boat. In some ways it really is a game for billionaires and less about sailing. I think Josh Levin describes it well in his article in Slate:

"The America’s Cup is the perfect contest for plutocrats. Rich people like to own sports teams, but are often frustrated that they can’t reshape the games they dabble in...In the world of big-time sailing, though, the rules are made to be rewritten. “When you win the America's Cup, you get to decide pretty much all the details about how, where, and when you get to defend the trophy,” explained Grantland’s Katie Baker. When Oracle CEO Larry Ellison won the Cup in 2010, he decided that the sport needed to be faster and more exciting. He conjured a new kind of vessel that was outrageously expensive to construct, limiting the competition to whoever’s richer than the people who own private islands. (Because of course the biggest problem with sailing is that it’s too accessible to outsiders.) Imagine the owner of the Miami Heat decreeing, after his team hoisted the championship trophy, that basketball should be played on a diamond-studded trampoline with a ball shaped like a starfish. To the victor go the spoils, and the spoils are really weird and cost so much that almost nobody else can afford to play."

One of the things that I love about New Zealand is their understated and self-effacing nature. But underneath that they have an incredible determination and self-belief which allows them to punch above their weight. They are the classic underdog. Who could imagine a small island nation of 4-1/2 million people taking on Oracle Team USA with all of its money and resources and get to match point. But they did and they did so with their trademark humility. Kiwis at home and around the world are proud of them. And we are too. Hopefully they'll be back to take on the billionaires again next time around.

Boat Buying Tips Without Too Much Salt (Pt 6) - Cats vs. Monos

Be warned - I am an unseasoned and not very salty sailor. Any tips I share about boat buying are of the low sodium variety.

With some trepidation, it is time to tackle the subject of catamarans vs. monohulls. Anyone who is anyone, plus lots and lots of regular folks have plenty to say on the subject. Given I know nothing about sailboats, I thought I would do what I do best which is do some haphazard internet research and regurgitate what others have to say, offering no original thought on my part. This seems like a very sensible approach, especially with such a controversial topic like cats vs. monos. I’m pretty sure whatever I might think on the subject would be wrong. So sit back and read what others have to say. And take notes as there will be a pop quiz later. It will be open book so your notes will come in handy.I decided to start off with the Bumfuzzles as they have owned both a cat and a monohull. This would seem to give them the credentials to offer an opinion on the subject. And as luck would have it, Mr. Bumfuzzle is an expert in this, as he points out:

 

“I am talking solely of my experience on my two boats. That’s it. Though I must also say that I consider myself a leading expert in all fields, sailboats included. So don’t even try to disagree with me. Thank you.”

 

Phew. He knows what he is talking about so I don’t have to think too much about what he says. I can just accept it as true. That is unless I don’t like his answer. Then I will organize a coup d’état, overthrow Mr. Bumfuzzle and declare myself expert in all things sailing. And all things chocolate too. Yum.

Mr. Bumfuzzle covers a lot of ground in his two posts on this subject so here are the Cliff Notes highlights:

Cost – No doubt about it, catamarans are more expensive. Their catamaran cost them $157,000, whereas their current monohull cost them $48,000. Key Point - $157k minus $48k = $109k. For $109k, you could buy over 20,000 Big Macs if you like that kind of thing. Or another couple of monohulls.

Ease of Sailing – The Bumfuzzles found their cat really easy to sail. Their mono, not so much. Too many winches and the lines aren’t run to the cockpit. Key Point – Sailing should be easy. Buy a boat that is easy to sail.

Heeling – This is a big one when it comes down to cats vs. monos. Cat’s don’t really heel (i.e., tip over on their side), monohulls do. The Bumfuzzles like not having to worry about drinks spilling and stuff flying everywhere. However, in the rare event that a cat does heel too far and rolls over, it is over. Cats can't right themselves, monos can. Key Point – Drinks are important. They shouldn’t spill all over your clothes and the boat. Another critical key point - Make sure you can hold your breath under the water in case your boat rolls over. Better yet, make sure your boat doesn't roll over. Also, don't ever go out on an AC72 - this could happen.

Engines & Maintenance – Like Siamese twins, cats have two hulls and two engines fused together with one mast. Freakish, yes, but having two of something is great when one breaks down. The Bumfuzzles liked the redundancy of their cat. However, Mr. Bumfuzzle did find the engines on his cat underpowered compared to his monohull. Many people argue that “double the hull, double the maintenance” and an associated increase in costs but Mr. Bumfuzzle hasn’t found this to be the case. There are no key points. Engines are boring. It is unfair to test people on boring facts. If only my high school teachers had followed this rule. My grades would have been so much better.

Livability – This one is pretty straightforward for the Bumfuzzles. Their monohull wins hands down in terms of aesthetics, space and comfort, whereas their cat felt sterile and hotel-like. Note this down – if you’re going to live on your boat, make sure you find it homey. It will likely be far smaller than any house you’ve ever lived in so make sure you’re happy in it. Even if that means decorating the inside with pictures of Narwhals and My Little Ponies. Who wouldn’t find that aesthetically pleasing.

Build Quality – This is scary. On his cat, when Mr. Bumfuzzle dropped a screwdriver, a hole was created in the hull. A hole he didn’t want. His mono is much more robust and it takes considerable effort to put holes in it. Key Point – Unintentional holes in your boat are not a good thing. I’m not so sure about intentional holes either.

Weighing it all up, Mr. Bumufzzle comes down on the side of cats. But I thought it only fair to see what Lin and Larry Pardey have to say on the matter as they know a thing or two about monohulls. They have the books to prove it too.

My sister thinks I write too much about Lin and Larry and is a bit worried about my tendency to stalk them. Lin and Larry might also be a bit worried about this too. But let’s face it - they are rock stars in the sailing world and who doesn’t want to stalk a rock star? You know how you bury those little statues of St. Joseph when you’re selling your house so that it will sell quickly and for a fabulous prices (which totally doesn’t work by the way)? Well I want to get little statues of Lin and Larry made and attach them to our boat so that we have smooth sailing. That’s how cool I think they are.

Even though the Pardeys are big fans of monohulls, they are nothing if not fair. So they turned to some people who have sailed both cats and monohulls to get their take on the pros/cons. And here is some of what they had to say:

Catamaran Pros

• Provides a stable platform (they don’t roll like monohulls and you won’t spill your drinks)
• Living quarters are above the waterline (you avoid the cave-like feel of a monohull)
• Shallow draft (you can get up close and anchor)
• You can go fast! (in certain conditions)
• Given the two narrow hulls, cats tend to sail in a straight line (and are easier for an auto-pilot to steer)

Catamaran Cons

• Unpredictable rhythm (with two keels, each one can respond differently to the water bashing against it)
• If a cat heels too much it will turn over and never right itself
• The size of a cat can limit mooring and haul-out options
• Cats are more expensive than monohulls

Even given the pros of catamarans, I imagine the Pardeys still prefer monohulls. One of the things they enjoy most is short-tacking into a harbor, something that isn’t easy to do on a catamaran.

Taking all of that into consideration, I don't think we’ll end up going with a catamaran. It really comes down to cost and on our budget a cat just isn’t an option. But who knows, maybe someday we’ll win the lottery and make the switch.

If you're interested in other slightly eccentric posts on how to buy a sailboat when you know nothing about sailing or boats, check out this page.

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I'm Not a Bad Wife, Really!

I’ve been getting some comments about what a bad wife I am. How could I possibly write such horrible and sarcastic things about my husband? I thought I should set the record straight. I mistakenly gave Scott the password to the Blogger tool which means he goes into the backend of the system and changes what I write. He is the one responsible for all of those sarcastic comments about himself. Scott is one very sarcastic guy. He is so sarcastic that he loves nothing more than being sarcastic about himself. When he first started working in Scotland, one of the guys he was working with was very impressed with Scott’s sarcastic prowess. He said that he didn’t think Americans got sarcasm but that Scott had proven him wrong. Scott glowed for days as a result of that compliment. You just couldn't get him to stop smiling. I've never seen him smile that much before. It was disturbing.

I thought I would share with you a few examples of what I originally wrote and what Scott changed it to. By the way, Scott is also responsible for any spelling and grammatical mistakes you find in this blog.

The first example is from our post about needing to hold your breath for two minutes should your sailboat roll over unexpectedly.

Scott’ Sarcastic Version

“A couple of years ago, Scott gave me a copy of a glossy brochure entitled “Cruising into the Sunset with Your Partner.” I read it very carefully especially the small print. Scott is very crafty and twists words and phrases with the polish of a politician so it is really important to read the small print carefully. I read the brochure multiple times including the small print. It described walks on moonlit beaches, tropical drinks served in coconuts, relaxing with a good book in the cockpit and had lots of pictures of dolphins and Narwhals frolicking in the ocean. Nowhere, and I mean nowhere, did it say anything about boats rolling over and needing to hold your breath underwater for two minutes. If I wasn’t married to him, I would report him to NZ Commerce Commission for violations of the Fair Trading Act. (Note: If Scott ever hands you a glossy brochure with a mischievous smile on his face, I implore you to read the small print very closely. Then read it again. Then consult your attorney and have him/her read it too.)”

Ellen’s Original Version

 
“A couple of years ago, Scott gave me a copy of a glossy brochure entitled, 'Cruising into the Sunset with Your Partner.' He is just the sweetest guy ever! I am so lucky to be married to him! I can’t wait to go sailing with him! I trust him so much that I don’t even need to bother to read the brochure. I know that he’ll be a terrific skipper and nothing bad will ever happen to us out on the big, blue ocean. Hands off girls, he is all mine!”
 
And here is an example from our post on sailing in the Hauraki Gulf last summer.
 

Scott’s Sarcastic Version

 
“After Kawau we headed back to Gulf Harbor for a night and I took a much needed shower at the marina. When I got back Scott said he was going to the "shower block" but, because of my aforementioned watchful eye resolution, I became suspicious when I noticed he didn't take a towel with him. This was coupled with Scott's curious use of the phrase "shower block" rather than "take a shower" as Scott likes to twist words and sentences to his own devices. I was on to him. No matter what he was going to take a shower! I don't care if he doesn't like to immerse himself in water! Not one more minute of that odious, odorous body on this boat! So I marched right up the pontoon, grabbed the nearest male marina staff and had him go into the showers and deliver a towel to Scott. When Scott got back he said he must have dropped his towel because some guy handed it to him in the shower. I just rolled my eyes and gave him a big whiff test. He passed.”
 

Ellen’s Original Version

“After Kawau we headed back to Gulf Harbor for a night and I took a much needed shower at the marina. Scott didn’t need to take a shower as he is so pure of heart that he always smells of fresh-cut flowers. When he burps and farts (rarely done and always in the most gentlemanly-like fashion), there isn't any nasty smell whatsoever and you can see tiny unicorns and rainbows floating in the air.”

This next example is from our post about how surprised I was to find that I was telling people that I love our boat when we were anchored up in Kawau.

Scott's Sarcastic Version

"So maybe being anchored in Kawau on a lovely summer day was what caused me to be so lovey-dovey towards our boat. Or is it because Scott is secretly drugging me? I'm convinced that he puts valium in my drinking water to keep me sedated especially during gale force winds and when the boat is heeled over quite a bit. I am now wondering if he also puts some sort of 'happy' drug in my drinking water."

Ellen's Original Version

"So maybe being anchored in Kawau on a lovely summer day was what caused me to be so lovey-dovey towards our boat. Or more likely, it is because I am married to the most super man in the whole wide world. He is just so darn super. It is almost like being married to Superman himself, but better. With a husband like Scott, who needs drugs? Being married to him is like being on the best drug ever. Without any unpleasant side effects whatsoever."

Moral of the story, lesson to be learned...don't trust a cynical and sarcastic sailor. Unless he puts drugs in your drinking water of course. Then, by all means, buy a sailboat and agree to live on it and cruise around the world. 

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