The Return Of Esme, The Most Annoying Life Coach Ever | IWSG August

The Insecure Writer's Support Group (IWSG) is a place to share and encourage, where writers can express their doubts and concerns without appearing foolish or weak. It's a great place to mingle with like minded people each month during IWSG day.

Every month there's an optional question which may prompt folks to share advice, insights, a personal experience or story. Some folks answer the question in their IWSG blog post or let it inspire them if they're struggling with what to say.

This month's question is:

"What are your pet peeves when reading / writing / editing?"

Check out how people have answered this month's question, as well as the other insecurities and writing topics they may have shared by visiting the IWSG sign-up list here. If you want to see how I answered the question, have a look below.

The co-hosts for this month are Christina Rains, Dolarah @ Book Lover, Yvonne Ventresca, LG Keltner and yours truly. Try to pop by and visit my co-hosts' blogs - they're awesome people!

****

I heard a knock on the side of my sailboat, followed by a voice singing out, "Yoo-hoo! Is anyone home?"

I knew that overly chipper voice. It belonged to only one person - the overly chipper, annoying life coach, Esme. I started to clear everything out of my fridge with the thought of hiding in there so that she wouldn't find me, but she was too quick for me.

"There you are," Esme said as she made her way down the companionway. She peeked into the galley and noticed the milk on the counter. "Wonderful idea, lets have some coffee while we talk. Extra milk in mine, please."

Esme sat on the settee and looked at me expectantly. If there's one thing I've learned about dealing with Esme is that it's easier to give in. She calls herself tenacious. I call it something completely different, but I'm too polite to repeat it here.

I poured two cups of coffee and set them on the table, along with a plate of snickerdoodle cookies. "What brings you here, Esme?"

"A little birdie told me that you need some help answering this month's IWSG question." She took a sip of coffee and picked up a cookie. "I'm glad to see you're using full-fat milk now instead of that horrid skim stuff you used to serve."

"Would that little birdie happened to be named Simon?" I quickly grabbed a cookie before Esme ate all of them.

"You know that I can't tell you that. In my line of work, keeping what people say confidential is important." She picked up a toy mouse lying next to her and asked, "By the way, where is Simon?"

"He's at the vet getting his claws trimmed. He got a little grumpy when I tried to do it." I held up my arm and showed her the scratch marks Simon had left in an effort to make his views on trimming his claws crystal clear.

"Ooh, that looks like it hurts," she said. "But enough of trying to avoid what we're here to discuss. Let's get down to business, shall we? Now, how about telling me what your pet peeves are when it comes to reading, writing and editing."

"Huh? You're the one who asked about Simon. Besides, I didn't ask for your help. You barged in here."

Esme peered at me over the top of her glasses while she wiped away snickerdoodle crumbs from the side of her mouth.

I sighed. "Fine, anything to make you go away."

"See, we're making progress," she said. "Keep pushing past those barriers of yours and tell me the first thing that pops into your mind."

That's when I noticed that Esme was wearing a bracelet with a large horseshoe charm. She probably had lots of horse figurines as a girl. I don't really like horses, but sometimes sucking up to Esme is a sure-fire way to get her off of your back.

"I hate it when people write free reign instead of free rein. It sticks out on the page like a sore thumb when I'm reading. How could they possibly mix up reins on a horse with the reign of a king or queen? It's like a slap in the face to horses everywhere."

Esme smiled and patted my hand. "I know what you mean. Some people just aren't horse people. Not like we are."

"Speaking of horses, I bet you need to get going so that you're not late to your riding lesson."

Esme looked at her watch, grabbed her handbag, swiped the last snickerdoodle and rushed up on deck. She yelled back down the companionway, "Great session, dear. You made some real breakthroughs. Until next time!"

****

I'm not great with spelling and grammar, so I'm not sure why I always notice when people use free reign, when they should say free rein. You know, as in giving a horse free rein to do what he wants. It's surprising as I rarely notice any other spelling or grammatical mistakes, especially my own. If I can get annoyed by the use of free reign, it kind of frightens me to think about how annoyed people must get when they read what I write and see all of my mistakes.

What are your pet peeves when you're reading, writing or editing? What are your other pet peeves in life?

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